There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
