Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
