im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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