All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I CAN MOONWALK!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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