Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
