I wanna bring you to show and tell
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
