is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
