You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
