you have to choose: penises or morals?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
