This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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