you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
