Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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