mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
