Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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