She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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