I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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