Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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