Where is the hickey?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
