drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
