I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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