So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
