i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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