she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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