our cab driver is having phone sex.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize