I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
