You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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