Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
