It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
