Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
