Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
