can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
