u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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