Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize