Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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