The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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