I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
