forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
