I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
