My underwear smells like fireworks.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
