Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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