Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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