they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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