i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
