The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
