I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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