cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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