I wannas sexs uuuuu
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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