Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
