Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
