my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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