Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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