it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We left an ass print on the piano.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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