Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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