I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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