I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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