They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
