Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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