so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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