god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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