who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
