Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize