You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
