Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
