Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
