I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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