I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
And then my night got REAL pukey
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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