I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
