I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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