you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
