I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
