Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
