last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
