UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
