you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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