I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
