Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
