She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
