i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize