3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
