do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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