My first STD was from a foam party
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
