Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
