weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
