What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
