ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
