my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize