I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
