i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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