i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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