just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
