I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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